May 21, 2020
How many times have you said "I should have ...." today? Laced with guilt and expectations often from an unknown source, we regularly put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to live according to someone else's expectation, but why?
I was watching Avengers Assemble the other day and Thor's mum delivers this profound line: "Everyone fails at who they should be, the measure of a person is whether they succeed at being who they ARE"
So in this episode we talk about emotional intelligence, boundaries, acknowledging and giving language to our emotions, recognising our needs, knowing our limits, lessons learned from lockdown and most importantly, tools to help us peel back the layers of life that we have built up over the years that hold us back from fully engaging with who we are for fear of rejection, further pain or just getting something wrong - HOW TO RID OURSELVES OF THE SHOULDS!
My guest Angie Fadel is based in Portland Oregon, runs meditative archery workshops, does a lot of work with people around managing trauma and emotions, works closely with the LGBTQ community and her podcast is called Soul Care with Angie Fadel, you can find out more by accessing her website (she's the one in the cool swirly earrings!)
At one stage I refer to the episode we did last year talking about the script that is formed in our minds during our formative years, if you wanted to listen, it is episode 9 called "Unashamed" and is still one of the most listened to episodes that I have recorded.
The other episode we referred to called "Smile When Naked" was number 25 so just scroll through to find those if you want to take a listen.
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one, if you cast your mind back to last week, we talked about the skimming stones and how the speed at which they skim across the water, prevents them from going down into the depths of what is below – in the same vein, when we charge through life at a pace, we miss out not only on the depths of the good stuff but also on exploring some of the not so good stuff that lurks down there that we continue to push down and pretend isn’t there. The more we pretend, the less we are able to be our ourselves or as Brene Brown says, you can’t selectively numb your emotions, if you numb one, you’re numbing them all.
So in this episode we talk about emotions, the importance of grieving our pasts rather than just shoving the memories and feelings away, the value in taking the reins so we can write our own futures, and perhaps most importantly, we talk about shoulding – the dreaded “I should” that we so often battle with for one reason or another, I should have said …. Or I should have done …. Or I should go to …… Or I should say yes to ….should start my own business, should have a degree etc etc etc